If you run in the same social media circles as me, you have probably seen my Facebook posts and links or the blog post I published earlier this week. You may be wondering what's going on with me. Quite honestly, I've been wondering the same thing. WHAT IS GOING ON?
This whole week, and for most of the past few months, I've been feeling challenged to consider where I stand with God and how deep my desire to follow Jesus really is.
I keep finding myself led to sections of scripture, conversations, situations, videos and podcasts that make me check my heart and priorities.
It is overwhelming.
Some days it's the good kind of overwhelming. Those days I feel incredible joy and excitement because I feel like I'm hearing the voice of God. I get all pumped up to take bold steps to get me closer to His will. I see other people more like I think Jesus sees them. I have so much love and hope.
But then there are the days when it's the hard kind of overwhelming. On those days I get wrapped up in how far I have yet to go. I stop looking at God and start looking inward. That's when I get frustrated with my own choices or the things other people do that rub me the wrong way. I dwell on my past and my current struggles.
In the end, though, it's all good. Both types of days help me grow. The fun times and the hard times do different things to refine me.
So, yes, I'm overwhelmed. Yes, sometimes it's good and sometimes it feels bad. But, every day is good because God is real and He loves me more than I can ever imagine. He gives me grace and mercy every day. He gives me hope. He teaches me. He disciplines me and rebuilds me.
I'd rather take the good and the bad with God than just the good without Him! So, I pray that the overwhelming days keep coming, even the ones that leave me feeling defeated.