Monday, April 9, 2012

Filtering My "Loud" Life

I've been known to be a bit passive aggressive at times.

I think it's because I dread conflict, but I also sometimes have some strong opinions and like to be heard. So, typing something on a blog or posting on Facebook suits me.

And that's unfortunate because I just read this today:

And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, 11 and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, 12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody. - 1 Thessalonians 4:10-12

The part that really hit me in those verses was "make it your ambition to lead a quite life."

Most people who know me probably wouldn't describe me as loud or outspoken or even outgoing. I'm pretty reserved. There is something inside of me, however, that likes to get people stirred up by writing or saying something that borders on being controversial or argumentative.

For example, last week I posted on Facebook, "Do you think Jesus cares what we wear to church on Easter Sunday?" My purposes were partly genuine and well-meaning, but there was also part of me that wanted to rile some people up.

Why do I do that?

I'm not sure, but now that I see it I don't like it.

Another thing I wrote last week in this post came close to accusing my family and friends of doing something wrong when, in fact, they were being exactly what I wanted them to be - loving and supportive.

I wish I hadn't done that.

But I did, so now I find myself sitting here wrestling with my intentions, my motivation and my true desires. Do I want to show people love? Do I really want to serve others? Or do I want them to acknowledge me? Maybe I just want the attention.

Only I can know what my true intentions are, so now I will stop writing about it and spend some time being quite. I will search my own heart for any selfish, impure or evil motives.

Thanks for reading what I write. Please don't stop. I will try hard to filter my intentions before I put anything up for public consumption.

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